Thoughts are the shadows of one's feelings - always darker, emptier and simpler

15 seconds?

2009-03-14T21:35:00.000-07:00

Few weeks back, I had a very interesting conversation with someone, I dont remember who. He was telling me about some book/movie or something which had a frightful theory. If you like chewing on thoughts, here is one.

This whole life is nothing but a flashback. When we are about to die, the last 15 seconds of it flashes back the whole life of ours (may be 20 seconds, number doesnt really matter or does it?). This is why there are some times when we feel that this thing has already happened (deja vu) . This can be why we have intuition, we feel that something is gonna happen and it does happen. We feel its a co-incidence, but in our subconscious, we know it has happened already and its gonna happen. Come to think of it, this theory can be true. The earth was flat once upon a time, until proven otherwise. Earth was the centre of universe, until proven fallacious. Why cant this be true. No one knows what happens during death, so can we be sure of the reality of our existence. Is pinching yourself to check you are awake enough of a proof of your real existence?

So can this existential feeling be nothing more than a chemical reaction in our brain, just before we are gonna die. Is that 15 sec so long that we are literally living our whole life in it, again. May be thats why we should live our life fully, enjoy it as it is, or way it is unfolding, coz eventually it doesnt matter. It has all taken place. I would certainly wish to belive so, even though it spooks me out sometimes.

Now is the right time

2008-12-14T19:54:00.000-08:00

Everyone goes through a phase when a frustrating feeling of being taken too much for granted haunts the mind. All productive activities get hampered, and solitude and endless contemplation seem to be the solution. After few long hours, do heck with it attitude kicks in. More often than not, acquiescence and conformity seem to be the easiest choices. Few days pass and the whole thing starts all over again. After a few cycles, naturally the mind and the soul develop a hint of incoherence in contemplation, which is a massive lava waiting to erupt only to become a full blown self conflict.

During such troubled times, stand up for yourself, speak up, do not be malleable are few of the numerous moral boosters one hears from friends or well wishers. But seldom is it easier done than said. Howmuch ever one tries to protest, the black hole of submission finally sucks one in.

It is said that murder is a crime and being accomplice to a murder is also equally a crime. Letting someone take you for granted is itself a big mistake committed right in the beginning. Its not the fault with the person who takes the victim easily. The fundamental problem is the latitude which that person gets because of victim's loose self guard.

But its never late to mend. Just planting a seed doesn't give you a tree, forget about the fruits. Nurturing it does. If the efforts of speaking up seem to do a microscopic job, its probably fine. More needs to be done. One should not be afraid of going slow, but should definitely dread standing still. Some day , efforts will bear fruit and the tiny little drops of success will become a mighty ocean of satisfaction.

Looking back, then, will make one realize that the journey was a reward. There will be no room for regret left; that things could have been different if right actions were taken when the time was there. As someone has rightly said, if only is probably the saddest exclamation.

The time to act is always right and nice, it is just a matter of when one is ready to roll the dice.

Its all about RELATIVITY!

2008-05-08T03:17:00.000-07:00

Fade to Black

2008-04-19T13:49:00.000-07:00

The haunting lyrics of Metallica's magnum opus, 'Fade to Black', certainly can creep one's soul in and out.

Fade: become inaudible, gradually disappear, loose strength, pass out gradually or suddenly.

Everyone has experienced fading in some form or the other, physical, emotional, spiritual. A child experiences his first fading probably by seeing his paintings getting washed away either due to excess water or insufficient color. One can take pride in experiencing "fading" , or one may get desolated. It may be even voluntary at times.

Heres a story. A small kid Hari, innocent like every other kid, lived in a village. The village was very small, still untouched by modern marvels. It had one school, one small medical centre, typical village kind of bus stand. The daily livelihood of people came from selling vegetables, toffies, kulfis in those scorching afternoons, sweing clothes, etc. Not hard to imagine, a typical small village.

Hari was the son of a very poor farmer. But he dint know what poverty was like, for he never saw anyone rich around. So for Hari, poverty was the way life is lived. He played with torn tyres, rolling them all through the village, giving pulses to it with a small twig. He went to the only school there. Hari was just an average kid. His mother died while giving him the gift of life. His father gave him the love a mother would gives along with security and comfort a father gives.

One day, his father came from the farm, went for a small nap. But the nap was not small. He never got up. Hari called his neighbors to see what is wrong. Hari did not comprehend the concept of death at that age, but he knew that his father has gone to something like heaven where good people go. This was the first time Hari experienced something getting faded from his life. His mother dying when he was born was something which he wouldn't have remembered. His life had to change, afterall a kid with no parent, in a small time village, can he really survive? People in that village couldn sustain their own lives, how could they adopt this added burden. He became miserable. The phase of fading away of his childhood!! 2 years, he cried on streets, out of hunger, lack of love, lack of father!. He succumbed to life's cruelty and faded away into heaven.

The story, simple as it sounds, gives an even simpler insight. Hari's fate had "fading away of life " written on it all from the start. He never asked for it, he never would have wanted it. But it happened. What could he have done to change it. Nothing! No one could have either.

There are somethings which no one can change. Acceptance of the present is many times the best way out. Even if it has fading away of the future in store. It is not necessarily fading away of life, like in the case of Hari. Acceptance is not pessimism as it may superficially seem, nor is it optimism. But who says that one has to be a pessimist or an optimist.

Of course there are people who cant deal with it and as Kurt Cobain wrote "It's better to burn out than to fade away".

The Emperor of Solitude

2008-02-24T22:00:00.000-08:00

There was no room for him in the empire. He hardly spoke. Some thought he was mad, some thought he was snobbish. He wasn’t a skillful soldier anyways. He was summoned by the royal court and found guilty for not helping a fellow soldier in a war. His crime was not serious, but the intent of the court and the indifference of the people were unyielding and he was ostracized and imprisoned; a merciless, yet a relatively harmless, sentence.

Its been ten years now. The grueling sun and the luminescent moon, day after day, are making the prisoner older by a day. His cell lies in the middle of nowhere, guarded by no one, visited by the diverse fauna of the plateau and fenced by the dry fauna.

Hunger, has the prisoner never faced for he befriended the birds who dropped him eatables. Sleep is as sound as it can get. He hardly speaks for there is no human around. The language of other living beings around him is as alien as colors to a blind. But the love among them is as unadulterated as milk in cows’ glands.

The animals found solace in the prisoner’s shadow. It was as if he touched them, caressed them. They sat in his shadow, in honest turns, until the sun called it a day; gazed at him in the moonlight. His soul touched them through his shadows and his aura; while he just laid there, endlessly thinking. Contemplating things known only to him. He is not conspiring against anyone, for he is already in a locked up cell; to which he is so used to that he embraces life imprisonment in it. He does not dwell on the past deeds or misdeeds, nor does he chalk out the future. He thinks, in the present, about the happiness he can accumulate. He doesn’t need tangible things for happiness, for if the soul is happy he is happy.

In the middle of nowhere, the unusual, incomprehensible contentment and bliss of his leaks out if him and emanates from his cell all around. The living creatures near him cherish it and worship him for it. They view him as an angel, their king, their master. He is the emperor of solitude.

The emperor of solitude can live only in imprisonment, the depths of which wouldn’t be understood by anyone. Ones who try to understand it, or try to mend his ways, would free him from his cell. This will cause suffocate him, torture him, like a tunnel would do to a claustrophobic. The emperor will become mad and will have to be ostracized again.

Dark Black is White and Light White is Black

2008-02-20T00:53:00.000-08:00

This is my first blog. It was initially posted as a Guest Post on http://nogard.wordpress.com/2008/02/10/dark-black-is-white-and-light-white-is-black-guest-post/

Have you ever wondered about the opposite universe or rather the “same universe” in the opposite universe?

Well, this being a guest blog: a Disclaimer: Nothing written here reflects mental health of the actual blogger. He has been kind enough to allow me a small space in his not (yet) so popular blog. He must hence be viewed with respect and not with contempt after reading this.

Or rather; Claimer: Everything written here reflects the mental health of the actual blogger. He has been cruel enough to disallow me a big space in his popular blog. He must be viewed with contempt and not with respect after reading this.

Getting a feeling! The blogger (or not so blogger) here is writing a blog where he is not supposed to write or better still , the not so blogger here is not writing a blog where he is supposed to write.

The school kids will go home for education and stay in school at nights. They will be punished like “Sit down on the bench”, or better still a teacher would punish by saying, “Take this cane and hit my hand”. Who knows, humans there or lets say aliens to us, might not look like us. They may have heart, kidney, outside their body, and their balls, eyes, inside theirs. They will puke when they are thirsty and drink litres of water when they are not. They might shit/fart with the mouth and spit eat with their asses. Well, these are physical hazards of the opposite universe.

Patients will treat doctors and plumbers would farm. Engineers will paint on the walls, painters will solve differential equations. Lawyers will polish shoes and beggars will be the kings of stock markets. Judges will be tried by the criminals.

People will listen to textbooks, read music, sing a dance and dance a guitar. In a courtroom (or a court garden), they will swear on the holy bible (or may be on an unholy toilet paper) that they will speak lies and only lies. Mental hospital will be a place where our patients treat the doctors where as a hospital will be a place where our patients treat mentally retarded doctors.

Or it will be a simple mirror universe like ours, with just the language as opposite, like in the claimer or the disclaimer above. Children will sing, don’t twinkle don’t twinkle big star, why the fuck I give where you are, down below the world so low, like a feaces in the sky. Johny johny no papa, shitting salt, yes papa, telling the truth, yes papa, put down your pants, hahahaha..The kids will start swearing when they are 3. A person who says please, sorry will be a social stigma. Rape will be called cuddling and cuddling will be called rape. People will hate sex. Normal peple will be called gays and gays will be looked down and called normal. Metallica will be psychedelic and Flute will be considered rock.

Physical, occupational, literal, behavioral difference one of them, either of them, all of them, none of them might be the opposite universe.

Ironically, “Half glass full or half glass empty?”, that’s the similarity I guess between the opposite universe and our universe. There it is “Half glass empty or half glass full”. It is creepy to find similarities in the opposite world, isn’t it?